Posts Tagged ‘sick’

yo.

Posted: December 4, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

My cabin’s located at the top end of the unmoving cruise. It’s dark. My window’s open. There’s nothing to see outside but my eyes can’t stop rolling. The stars were covered with mist created by the ocean waves slapping the side of the boat. It’s cold, really cold. I wanted to close the window but I wouldn’t want to cut the connection between the ocean, the sky, the wind, the darkness and me, or would I?

I couldn’t dare to close my eyes and let my thoughs soar in the fear that they will come back worse.

“But no, everything is already at its worst” I told myself.

I opened the window now in a greater angle. The howling of wind is now louder and the wind itself is stronger. I grabbed a chair and stood up on it. I spread my arms and felt the coldness wrap my body. “I feel like flying” I said to myself. Along with my thoughts, probably. But the wind grew stronger. It pushed me back away from the window. And so, I decided to close it.

The place was cold even when the windows were closed. I got bored so I decided to move my feet and tour my body around. The moment I opened the door to the corridor, a mild, cold but deadly breeze washed my face. Only half the number of lights were open but that didn’t stop me from walking.

I was humming a random tune and sang on my mind. I didn’t know that the song of sadness and silence sound good.

I’m still alone.

It’s been an hour of walking, I found an open door. I entered the room. It’s very similar to the room I grew up. My bed’s the same, the stuffed toys were there too. The curtains that were tied up to the side looked familiar.They just seem new.

“No. It is my room. But how in the hell..”

Before I could even finish the sentence, the cabinet opened and a box fell.

“Hey, I remember that one” I said with a spooked voice.

It was the collection of the paper flowers I made few years back. There were also things that weren’t there before. But I’m sure those letters were from me. Suddenly, the whole box collapsed and blood covered it out of nowhere. It felt like time stopped as I watched everything got tinted by red.

I cried. Like the child I was years back. Like the child I already forgot but suddenly came back. But noone was there to comfort me. Still alone.

I tried to kill myself of misery. I ran back to my room but the corridor seemed endless. It seemed like I was running for years and I fell down on my knees. My head kissed the floor and my eyes blasted in to tears.

“I love her.”

As these words went out of my mouth unconsciously. My life faded.
And I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep where I’m lying awake now. A sleep that acts as anastesia. One that endure the unbearable pain for my heart.

But I’m stuck in a world that was stuck somewhere.

But I’m asleep. And I’m alone.

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sleeeeeep.

Posted: July 23, 2008 in random-nes
Tags: , , ,

i want to sleep. and sleep all my way to the end. D:

i wish i’m capable of skipping parts of this life. just sleep and wake up whenever i want to. sleep all my way to happiness. with you on my mind. with all the good memories i have.

i feel so sick that i don’t want to do a thing at all. just sleep. sleep.:(

sleep. :((

sleep. :(((((((

“Life”

Posted: July 22, 2008 in random-nes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

“Life”

by drewey

Web of hope turns to a web of pain
Shine of happiness turns to abyss of disdain
Whatever you think of, no matter how insane
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment you won’t ever obtain

Tendrills of lies,part of flocks of truth
Era of olds would soon come upon youths
Technology would be dominating, minds will be drained
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment you won’t ever obtain

Have you ever thought of having a life so happy,
dreamt of wandering the depths of woods and not the city?
Have you ever crossed the sight of life without complexity?
Ever thought of hapiness and freedom not just your duty?

Death is the only way, we can make our souls relax.
Long as you hold on to life, your mind would be used up at max
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment, we can never have.

Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment, we can never,ever,have.

_________________

Life is a crap I created accidentally during my boredom period (I guess, I am in it all of the time xD

_________________

This week was like. Bullshit. From monday to friday, everything was just so bad that I thought the whole world was going against me. So just yesterday/today, I was thinking of dropping out of Pisay na (wooh kaya ko na mag- conio :>). D:

Seriously, you know the feeling when you get locked in a room full of all the things you hate combined, and there’s a real super small hole for escape? Then soon, you see more of the things you hate coming and the hole magically shrinks O:

I’m sure you don’t XD but yeah, I’m feeling sort of like that. I’m losing luck, initiation, reason to pursue, inspiration.. I’m losing my life. to stop me losing more of it, I feel like ending it right now :))) -_- i wanna dieeee..¬† D: (i hope it’s that easy D: )

What’s kind of surprising. I actually thought for a second that what if all of these are happening coz I don’t have any God. But that second passed. I still don’t think there is. Hey, what if I pretend there’s one? Would anything change? Can believing change this stupid week? Can it make my next week and all of the following weeks less shit? Hell, i dont think so.

I’m sick. I wish I know how to play dota. So at this level of depression, I have something to do to forget. Errr.. I mean something to make me remember how to be happy. Even just for a suuuupppppper tiny while. I’m sick of playing soccer. I love it. But everything is becoming more static as time goes oooon. See? Even the last of my favorite hobbies turns it’s back on me -_- or is it me? AAAAAGHR. I can’t understand what’s up. D:

I hate my position. I hate the way I see things. I hate the fact that everyone finds something that¬† makes him happy (even at the darkest days of his life). How come I don’t have any life. Why is it that I feel so alone, but I’m not wishing for people make me feel I’m part of something O: Can someone give me a life? Coz seriously I need one right now -_-

*sigh* and *more sighs*.

Personally, there’s no reason for me to stay. But I wouldn’t want to break my promise to my Lola, uncle and aunt.. that I won’t be any person like my father (who made SO MANY wrong decisions in life and sadly, I’m part of the wrong deeds)… I’m not scared of dropping out. I’m scared of what they would think, what’s gonna happen…

Certainly at this point, I don’t see hope anymore. I can’t just pull off happiness out of nothing? Even bad memories come back so sudden. I feel like cutting but that would be so corny and I’m scared of athena’s nipple-crunching hands (yeah, she told me not to or she’ll hurt my g-spalayok again. LOL) D: but is there any good way to get life moving? Or anything that would give me more energy to push this effing life (itsstuck) D: (Don’t worry I won’t hurt myself more than how this damned life hurts me. )

I’m not dropping out of school i guess. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be dropping out of life if this shit goes on.

oh yeah. You know how much I wanted the 8.1 magnitude earthquake to happen today. x_x that could have been a decent sudden no pain death for me D: