Posts Tagged ‘sad’


Posted: December 4, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

My cabin’s located at the top end of the unmoving cruise. It’s dark. My window’s open. There’s nothing to see outside but my eyes can’t stop rolling. The stars were covered with mist created by the ocean waves slapping the side of the boat. It’s cold, really cold. I wanted to close the window but I wouldn’t want to cut the connection between the ocean, the sky, the wind, the darkness and me, or would I?

I couldn’t dare to close my eyes and let my thoughs soar in the fear that they will come back worse.

“But no, everything is already at its worst” I told myself.

I opened the window now in a greater angle. The howling of wind is now louder and the wind itself is stronger. I grabbed a chair and stood up on it. I spread my arms and felt the coldness wrap my body. “I feel like flying” I said to myself. Along with my thoughts, probably. But the wind grew stronger. It pushed me back away from the window. And so, I decided to close it.

The place was cold even when the windows were closed. I got bored so I decided to move my feet and tour my body around. The moment I opened the door to the corridor, a mild, cold but deadly breeze washed my face. Only half the number of lights were open but that didn’t stop me from walking.

I was humming a random tune and sang on my mind. I didn’t know that the song of sadness and silence sound good.

I’m still alone.

It’s been an hour of walking, I found an open door. I entered the room. It’s very similar to the room I grew up. My bed’s the same, the stuffed toys were there too. The curtains that were tied up to the side looked familiar.They just seem new.

“No. It is my room. But how in the hell..”

Before I could even finish the sentence, the cabinet opened and a box fell.

“Hey, I remember that one” I said with a spooked voice.

It was the collection of the paper flowers I made few years back. There were also things that weren’t there before. But I’m sure those letters were from me. Suddenly, the whole box collapsed and blood covered it out of nowhere. It felt like time stopped as I watched everything got tinted by red.

I cried. Like the child I was years back. Like the child I already forgot but suddenly came back. But noone was there to comfort me. Still alone.

I tried to kill myself of misery. I ran back to my room but the corridor seemed endless. It seemed like I was running for years and I fell down on my knees. My head kissed the floor and my eyes blasted in to tears.

“I love her.”

As these words went out of my mouth unconsciously. My life faded.
And I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep where I’m lying awake now. A sleep that acts as anastesia. One that endure the unbearable pain for my heart.

But I’m stuck in a world that was stuck somewhere.

But I’m asleep. And I’m alone.


2 things. Maturity and bond

Posted: December 15, 2007 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , ,

Maturity, as i believe, is not the change in appearance nor the change of likes. I believe that maturity is based upon the person’s perspective; how he views his life, what he believes his duties are,etc.   

one thing that triggered my maturity is my class. well, my classmates sure didn’t do a damn but i just felt that i’m somehow growing up, and i felt it this year, the year that im in Adelfa.

It’s kinda weird to be posting about first impressions this time, i mean at this time(?). But to explain myself more , *sigh* here i go!

During our first days, the faces of my classmates seemed so scary. I only knew them by their names and faces but at that early, or was it too late, i hadn’t got a chance to know them as they are. Even now, i know them when we are all together but knowing them individually when they’re alone, is ,i guess, much far off by looking at our present status. Yes they are all my friends, except for he-who-you-know-that-must-not-be-named, but not the friends whom i share all my grudges in life, my happy times and vice vers/z/a.

The end is near, prolly 2-4 months. That’s the only time my section and i have to know each other, the only time we get to interact and express emotions. That very short time is all i have. So please.

`[]ill continue this later[]`