Posts Tagged ‘heart’

ツ valentine post..

Posted: February 15, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , , , ,

a very unsuccessful day. I blame my fever for this.

It took me a while and reasons to post again another entry in this blog. I feel that I need to post this to pull out the *err* in me xD

I don’t know if it’s just me or the truth.At the early part of the day, I had a feeling of confidence brought to me by last night’s conversation, great energy even though I woke up 3am and can’t push my head down back to my bed, and lastly, a feeling of excite because ,duh, it’s valentine’s xD.. All these remained until the delivering of roses I sent her. Then I just realized I might not make it. Just like the other attempts I had in the past.. I lost all the stuff I had earlier. The confidence, the energy and the excitement.

I asked her the night before to talk to me in school at valentine’s. I needed to talk to her to clarify some things. That if I couldn’t, she, her friends and other people who know the wrong thing will think of me as an ass. Or worse. And I failed again. I had the opportutnity but I saw her holding something which I thought was from someone.I backed out then.. xD(later at night I learned it’s not hers).

And now that she knows what’s up with me. I don’t know but I feel quite troubled. Maybe because I fear becoming a loser again. I’m not wishing for her to read this. In fact, I do not want her to read this. I just think she was disappointed.

why am i actually posting this? I don’t know :)) i just feel like posting stuff

i woke up 12 noon, as the way they do it, talking about people in love, the first thing that struck my mind was her. not my initial actions like brushing, washing my face, etc…

After i ate my breakfast,took a quick shower,  i opened my laptop and turned on the wifi so ill be emo with it the whole time on my bed. I tried to post something about the dorm stay i had experienced and the very tragic outbound. But i actually did nothing except wait. you know who i’ve been waiting for.

I turned off my computer and took a quick nap that lasted an hour. i took a bath, ate my dinner and once again on top of my bed. surprisingly, she was online for quite some time already. But same thing happened. the very same thing that happened few days ago. I became overexcited but speechless. I felt my heart pounding really hard. every time she types a word, it turns out to be pumping harder and harder. harder and harder.  till it reached the point where i decided to quit it and say bye instead. i became somehow very cocky but i know i did the right thing. Estelle, my friend of the day,  tried to help out but unfortunately for both of us, she’s already offline..

Brothers and sisters (gah, i believe im starting to sound like a gay priest talking about gay things, no offense), seriously, i know myself that i cant do it right without help and so ill be needing help from friends (e.g Estelle). Im really thankful btw..