Archive for the ‘random-nes’ Category

It’s been a while since I last posted in this blog. Heh. So i’m back!

I’ve always seen this blog as one of the best outlets I have. You know, when you have feelings at extremes? Heh, so now I felt like posting here. I’m feeling kinda down. but happy. Rofl, this blog isn’t really an emo blog. I’m just using it the way it’s supposed to be used. haha

SO. Sadness isn’t always negative for me. Why so?

First, it made me post here. Heh. (That’s not a bad thing? or is it? haha)
But seriously, I really missed posting. It felt like all my emotions crowded in my heart experience slow dissipation. Heh, you get what I say?

Have you experienced going on the roof then stand on the edge for a minute or so, feel the cold night breeze, think of all your problems then decide to jump off and land at the swimming pool then you swim 2-4 laps and you run around the house being chased by your own dog, you’re still wet and you stop then you cry? Jesus, ‘coz I haven’t. If only I can. God damn this so-irritating feeling. I just can’t get it off. I can’t express what I exactly feel for the person I kinda value the most (well, at least more than majority). I can’t say she hurts me for the fear that she’ll know and it’s going to be quite risk if she does. I might lose her. And that’s obviously not what I want to happen.

Obviously, this is getting too unhealthy for me. But still why not negative?

Sadness keeps me on track of what I really feel, especially towards the person or event that makes you feel sad. Sadness keeps you from confusion, unlike happiness. Not all the time you know what really makes you happy. It could be just the aura and a mix of events. But when you’re sad, you know the specifics. You know what makes you sad and you also know how much it does.

Sadness helps you evaluate yourself. When you’re happy, you’re on top of the world, you don’t have to think how to be a better person. ‘coz you don’t think about anything at all when you’re on top. But when you’re sad you feel like it’s the whole world that is on top of you. Therefore you crave for things to be better then you execute actions to make things better. Sadness does this. It just happens that out of complexity, you just can’t turn around things. This is when one quits, not by because of sadness but because that one can’t do a damn thing.

Sadness makes you human. Sadness reminds us of things we’re forgetting. Sadness reminds us that we actually care…or cared. Without sadness, life could be as meaningless as a an empty book or as a fish in space. Whatever. But at least you get the point? Be happy whenever you’re sad! Not because you want to be happy but for the fact that you are sad.

BTW, about the friend I was talking about earlier. I really do hope she realizes but doesn’t turn her back on me. I know she cares about me, as a friend though, but I can’t forget the fact that it’s going to be risky to the point that I might lose her. We’re currently not talking but she told me she was sad ‘coz of it. So I’m happy.

“Sadness isn’t sadness, but happiness in a black jacket”



Posted: December 4, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

My cabin’s located at the top end of the unmoving cruise. It’s dark. My window’s open. There’s nothing to see outside but my eyes can’t stop rolling. The stars were covered with mist created by the ocean waves slapping the side of the boat. It’s cold, really cold. I wanted to close the window but I wouldn’t want to cut the connection between the ocean, the sky, the wind, the darkness and me, or would I?

I couldn’t dare to close my eyes and let my thoughs soar in the fear that they will come back worse.

“But no, everything is already at its worst” I told myself.

I opened the window now in a greater angle. The howling of wind is now louder and the wind itself is stronger. I grabbed a chair and stood up on it. I spread my arms and felt the coldness wrap my body. “I feel like flying” I said to myself. Along with my thoughts, probably. But the wind grew stronger. It pushed me back away from the window. And so, I decided to close it.

The place was cold even when the windows were closed. I got bored so I decided to move my feet and tour my body around. The moment I opened the door to the corridor, a mild, cold but deadly breeze washed my face. Only half the number of lights were open but that didn’t stop me from walking.

I was humming a random tune and sang on my mind. I didn’t know that the song of sadness and silence sound good.

I’m still alone.

It’s been an hour of walking, I found an open door. I entered the room. It’s very similar to the room I grew up. My bed’s the same, the stuffed toys were there too. The curtains that were tied up to the side looked familiar.They just seem new.

“No. It is my room. But how in the hell..”

Before I could even finish the sentence, the cabinet opened and a box fell.

“Hey, I remember that one” I said with a spooked voice.

It was the collection of the paper flowers I made few years back. There were also things that weren’t there before. But I’m sure those letters were from me. Suddenly, the whole box collapsed and blood covered it out of nowhere. It felt like time stopped as I watched everything got tinted by red.

I cried. Like the child I was years back. Like the child I already forgot but suddenly came back. But noone was there to comfort me. Still alone.

I tried to kill myself of misery. I ran back to my room but the corridor seemed endless. It seemed like I was running for years and I fell down on my knees. My head kissed the floor and my eyes blasted in to tears.

“I love her.”

As these words went out of my mouth unconsciously. My life faded.
And I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep where I’m lying awake now. A sleep that acts as anastesia. One that endure the unbearable pain for my heart.

But I’m stuck in a world that was stuck somewhere.

But I’m asleep. And I’m alone.

Protected: Instead..

Posted: July 30, 2008 in random-nes, Uncategorized
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It seems all of these words couldn’t be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?

Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue

So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

I’m blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did the go to?
Why disappear?

It’s hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I’ll just go, and face all my fear

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth

A Serene Disturbance

Posted: July 25, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , ,

“A Serene Disturbance”

by drewey

I’ve been so sick, oh so sick
it’s been so static, how i hated it
I felt so used, i never had an idea
that anytime. anytime
there could be-

you, a serene disturbance
all the while, i’ve been cursing
my life for it was no longer one
never looked at the possibility
that there could be-

a serene disturbance

a motion that makes me fall awake
another sweet get-up
never put this chance at stake
say, i might leave spaces open
just let this disturbance fill em up,oh-

you, you, a serene disturbance
all the while, i’ve been cursing
my life for it was no longer one
never looked at the possibility
that there could be, that there could be-



it’s a short one.there are no more rhymes here coz i made the melody first before the actual lyrics unlike the other 2. so there.


Posted: July 23, 2008 in random-nes
Tags: , , ,

i want to sleep. and sleep all my way to the end. D:

i wish i’m capable of skipping parts of this life. just sleep and wake up whenever i want to. sleep all my way to happiness. with you on my mind. with all the good memories i have.

i feel so sick that i don’t want to do a thing at all. just sleep. sleep.:(

sleep. :((

sleep. :(((((((


Posted: July 22, 2008 in random-nes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,


by drewey

Web of hope turns to a web of pain
Shine of happiness turns to abyss of disdain
Whatever you think of, no matter how insane
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment you won’t ever obtain

Tendrills of lies,part of flocks of truth
Era of olds would soon come upon youths
Technology would be dominating, minds will be drained
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment you won’t ever obtain

Have you ever thought of having a life so happy,
dreamt of wandering the depths of woods and not the city?
Have you ever crossed the sight of life without complexity?
Ever thought of hapiness and freedom not just your duty?

Death is the only way, we can make our souls relax.
Long as you hold on to life, your mind would be used up at max
Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment, we can never have.

Life is a piece of bullshit, enlightenment, we can never,ever,have.


Life is a crap I created accidentally during my boredom period (I guess, I am in it all of the time xD