Archive for the ‘ego’ Category

yo.

Posted: December 4, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

My cabin’s located at the top end of the unmoving cruise. It’s dark. My window’s open. There’s nothing to see outside but my eyes can’t stop rolling. The stars were covered with mist created by the ocean waves slapping the side of the boat. It’s cold, really cold. I wanted to close the window but I wouldn’t want to cut the connection between the ocean, the sky, the wind, the darkness and me, or would I?

I couldn’t dare to close my eyes and let my thoughs soar in the fear that they will come back worse.

“But no, everything is already at its worst” I told myself.

I opened the window now in a greater angle. The howling of wind is now louder and the wind itself is stronger. I grabbed a chair and stood up on it. I spread my arms and felt the coldness wrap my body. “I feel like flying” I said to myself. Along with my thoughts, probably. But the wind grew stronger. It pushed me back away from the window. And so, I decided to close it.

The place was cold even when the windows were closed. I got bored so I decided to move my feet and tour my body around. The moment I opened the door to the corridor, a mild, cold but deadly breeze washed my face. Only half the number of lights were open but that didn’t stop me from walking.

I was humming a random tune and sang on my mind. I didn’t know that the song of sadness and silence sound good.

I’m still alone.

It’s been an hour of walking, I found an open door. I entered the room. It’s very similar to the room I grew up. My bed’s the same, the stuffed toys were there too. The curtains that were tied up to the side looked familiar.They just seem new.

“No. It is my room. But how in the hell..”

Before I could even finish the sentence, the cabinet opened and a box fell.

“Hey, I remember that one” I said with a spooked voice.

It was the collection of the paper flowers I made few years back. There were also things that weren’t there before. But I’m sure those letters were from me. Suddenly, the whole box collapsed and blood covered it out of nowhere. It felt like time stopped as I watched everything got tinted by red.

I cried. Like the child I was years back. Like the child I already forgot but suddenly came back. But noone was there to comfort me. Still alone.

I tried to kill myself of misery. I ran back to my room but the corridor seemed endless. It seemed like I was running for years and I fell down on my knees. My head kissed the floor and my eyes blasted in to tears.

“I love her.”

As these words went out of my mouth unconsciously. My life faded.
And I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep where I’m lying awake now. A sleep that acts as anastesia. One that endure the unbearable pain for my heart.

But I’m stuck in a world that was stuck somewhere.

But I’m asleep. And I’m alone.

“Pretend”

It seems all of these words couldn’t be further from the truth
How did I get here? What did I do?

Your eyes, telling me lies
And making me find myself
While you have your agenda, a life to pursue

So please,
Let me be free from you.
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

I’m blind to all of your colors
That used to be rainbow then
My eyes, where did the go to?
Why disappear?

It’s hard to be all alone
I never got through your disguise
I guess I’ll just go, and face all my fear

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth.

Put down your world
Just for one night
Pick me again

So please,
Let me be free from you
And please, let me be free
I can face the truth

A Serene Disturbance

Posted: July 25, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , , ,

“A Serene Disturbance”

by drewey

I’ve been so sick, oh so sick
it’s been so static, how i hated it
I felt so used, i never had an idea
that anytime. anytime
there could be-

you, a serene disturbance
all the while, i’ve been cursing
my life for it was no longer one
never looked at the possibility
that there could be-

a serene disturbance

a motion that makes me fall awake
another sweet get-up
never put this chance at stake
say, i might leave spaces open
just let this disturbance fill em up,oh-

you, you, a serene disturbance
all the while, i’ve been cursing
my life for it was no longer one
never looked at the possibility
that there could be, that there could be-

You.

________________________

it’s a short one.there are no more rhymes here coz i made the melody first before the actual lyrics unlike the other 2. so there.

This week was like. Bullshit. From monday to friday, everything was just so bad that I thought the whole world was going against me. So just yesterday/today, I was thinking of dropping out of Pisay na (wooh kaya ko na mag- conio :>). D:

Seriously, you know the feeling when you get locked in a room full of all the things you hate combined, and there’s a real super small hole for escape? Then soon, you see more of the things you hate coming and the hole magically shrinks O:

I’m sure you don’t 😄 but yeah, I’m feeling sort of like that. I’m losing luck, initiation, reason to pursue, inspiration.. I’m losing my life. to stop me losing more of it, I feel like ending it right now :))) -_- i wanna dieeee..  D: (i hope it’s that easy D: )

What’s kind of surprising. I actually thought for a second that what if all of these are happening coz I don’t have any God. But that second passed. I still don’t think there is. Hey, what if I pretend there’s one? Would anything change? Can believing change this stupid week? Can it make my next week and all of the following weeks less shit? Hell, i dont think so.

I’m sick. I wish I know how to play dota. So at this level of depression, I have something to do to forget. Errr.. I mean something to make me remember how to be happy. Even just for a suuuupppppper tiny while. I’m sick of playing soccer. I love it. But everything is becoming more static as time goes oooon. See? Even the last of my favorite hobbies turns it’s back on me -_- or is it me? AAAAAGHR. I can’t understand what’s up. D:

I hate my position. I hate the way I see things. I hate the fact that everyone finds something that  makes him happy (even at the darkest days of his life). How come I don’t have any life. Why is it that I feel so alone, but I’m not wishing for people make me feel I’m part of something O: Can someone give me a life? Coz seriously I need one right now -_-

*sigh* and *more sighs*.

Personally, there’s no reason for me to stay. But I wouldn’t want to break my promise to my Lola, uncle and aunt.. that I won’t be any person like my father (who made SO MANY wrong decisions in life and sadly, I’m part of the wrong deeds)… I’m not scared of dropping out. I’m scared of what they would think, what’s gonna happen…

Certainly at this point, I don’t see hope anymore. I can’t just pull off happiness out of nothing? Even bad memories come back so sudden. I feel like cutting but that would be so corny and I’m scared of athena’s nipple-crunching hands (yeah, she told me not to or she’ll hurt my g-spalayok again. LOL) D: but is there any good way to get life moving? Or anything that would give me more energy to push this effing life (itsstuck) D: (Don’t worry I won’t hurt myself more than how this damned life hurts me. )

I’m not dropping out of school i guess. But I’m pretty sure I’ll be dropping out of life if this shit goes on.

oh yeah. You know how much I wanted the 8.1 magnitude earthquake to happen today. x_x that could have been a decent sudden no pain death for me D:

Time=Teardrop

Posted: June 25, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes, religion
Tags: , , ,

Time is like a teardrop. Tears are nothing more than a drop of laughter and happiness and sometimes depression. Each drop represents a life lost. One can’t put tears back into his eyes. Once they’re out. They’re out. Once it’s done. It’s done.

Tears wash away pain. Heartaches break out of one’s system, fade eventually and mix up with nothingness. Drops act like a spectrum. Teardrops are capable of expanding even just a piece of emotion.

A drop brings agony. A single ray cast into it colors everything gray. It acts like a jail warden, witnesses emotion come in, go out, and sometimes rot inside time’s jail.

Tears show love and hate, your affection and affectations, one’s competence and limitations. A drop shows weaknesses and strengths, how you live your life, how you mess it up.

Time is like a teardrop destined to fall. Whatever the purpose is, only the one who owns it knows it.

-prom D:

Posted: June 24, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes
Tags: , ,

parang atin ang gabi
para bang wala tayong katabi
at tayo’y sumayaw
na parang di na tayo bibitaw
bibitaw…

-prom, by sugarfree

(amf.. me wants her, whoever she is D:  )

HARDCOAH topal :]

Posted: June 22, 2008 in ego, love, random-nes, Uncategorized
Tags: ,

gazebos? The place for the hot. Yeah!

But seriously. Throw away your negative impressions first and read this post.

Most of the non-Topal 2010 students think we’re barbaric assholes,we don’t care about others, arrogant about the stuff we have and accomplishments,  we don’t care at all as long as we’re happy and we don’t welcome anyone in our place.. But yeah. C’mon. We’re not as bad as what you think xD you know that.

Though, it’s undeniable that there were times some of these Gazebo people act so indecent. I admit it– I hate them when they do those, too…  But when they shout as if there’s no more tomorrow, when they laugh as if they have never laughed before.. C’mon. What’s bad about enjoying life. People have different methods of enjoying life right?

But what really makes us us?

We just respect people for who they are. And since we have similar preferences, we feel so comfortable in everybody’s presence and we do not backstab at all. One of the main factors of this bond we have is probably the gazebo itself.. Unlike the front lobby, where people are divided by separated and limited tables, the gazebo is just a small space where topal people try all ways for everyone to be accomodated, which results to bonds which enables us to share more insights and thoughts with each other. The location of gazebo also affects. Weather for example. We get the same feeling and we tend to act the same. Which implies that since we can work on small things, we might be capable of working heavier things out. Things like these…

BUT the main reason why we are what we are.. Is everyone of the topal people… We’re not like the front lobby coolboys(SOME, tamaan nalang ang maguilty xD) that backstab everyone just to get the satisfaction and superiority over others. We do not think indecent and sensitive things about others just the way these front lobby coolboys(SOME) do. We do not tell lies just to destroy one person’s image. For the sake of clarity, we are NOT like the coolboys. They’re cool, we’re hot. the exact opposite.

Last words from me… Don’t think we’re arrogant posers just because we have these and those things. We just want fun. And as long as we don’t do anything bad, do not try to play SHIT with any of my friends D: and if ever we did something to hurt you or your friends.. tell us.. everything can be worked out..

HARDCOAH!