Archive for August, 2009

It’s been a while since I last posted in this blog. Heh. So i’m back!

I’ve always seen this blog as one of the best outlets I have. You know, when you have feelings at extremes? Heh, so now I felt like posting here. I’m feeling kinda down. but happy. Rofl, this blog isn’t really an emo blog. I’m just using it the way it’s supposed to be used. haha

SO. Sadness isn’t always negative for me. Why so?

First, it made me post here. Heh. (That’s not a bad thing? or is it? haha)
But seriously, I really missed posting. It felt like all my emotions crowded in my heart experience slow dissipation. Heh, you get what I say?

Have you experienced going on the roof then stand on the edge for a minute or so, feel the cold night breeze, think of all your problems then decide to jump off and land at the swimming pool then you swim 2-4 laps and you run around the house being chased by your own dog, you’re still wet and you stop then you cry? Jesus, ‘coz I haven’t. If only I can. God damn this so-irritating feeling. I just can’t get it off. I can’t express what I exactly feel for the person I kinda value the most (well, at least more than majority). I can’t say she hurts me for the fear that she’ll know and it’s going to be quite risk if she does. I might lose her. And that’s obviously not what I want to happen.

Obviously, this is getting too unhealthy for me. But still why not negative?

Sadness keeps me on track of what I really feel, especially towards the person or event that makes you feel sad. Sadness keeps you from confusion, unlike happiness. Not all the time you know what really makes you happy. It could be just the aura and a mix of events. But when you’re sad, you know the specifics. You know what makes you sad and you also know how much it does.

Sadness helps you evaluate yourself. When you’re happy, you’re on top of the world, you don’t have to think how to be a better person. ‘coz you don’t think about anything at all when you’re on top. But when you’re sad you feel like it’s the whole world that is on top of you. Therefore you crave for things to be better then you execute actions to make things better. Sadness does this. It just happens that out of complexity, you just can’t turn around things. This is when one quits, not by because of sadness but because that one can’t do a damn thing.

Sadness makes you human. Sadness reminds us of things we’re forgetting. Sadness reminds us that we actually care…or cared. Without sadness, life could be as meaningless as a an empty book or as a fish in space. Whatever. But at least you get the point? Be happy whenever you’re sad! Not because you want to be happy but for the fact that you are sad.

BTW, about the friend I was talking about earlier. I really do hope she realizes but doesn’t turn her back on me. I know she cares about me, as a friend though, but I can’t forget the fact that it’s going to be risky to the point that I might lose her. We’re currently not talking but she told me she was sad ‘coz of it. So I’m happy.

“Sadness isn’t sadness, but happiness in a black jacket”