Haha.

natupad yung wishlist ko..complete na xmas koooo haha.

Merry xmas! Happy holidays!! xP

Protected: drewey’s wishlist :3

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Protected: Neverending bullshits of life

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A glimpse of a world without darkness nor light

A glimpse of a world without darkness nor light

Not so long ago, I have seen an empty world. It was blacker than pitch black, brighter than anything else. Both my eyes wandered the horizon of nothingness. They rolled and craved for something, for anything. But it was empty. It was a world free of pain and happiness but seeing it gave me a feeling of breaking free. The pain was bigger than what I could bare. I was having a really strong mind distress. It was so strong that I could barely feel my body. I was struggling as if something was trying to keep me from breathing. I stayed in that state for a few minutes until one hemisphere of the world cracked open. The light was blinding. It was so bright that all the anguish I was fighting disappeared. The mental bruises I had were gone and left no traces. I thought it was over. I had finally awoken. But shockingly, it was just half of me. It was just my other eye who has escaped the grip of the empty world. It was back to it’s normal life. While the other, still fights for outflow. Withrawing the feeling, it was one of the most tragic feeling I have felt. Seeing two worlds at the same time was so dreadful. It took me few seconds to cool down and later on, I had finally realized that my other eye was blind. The moving pictures regained their sound. Everything was okay except for the eye. I waited for almost 10 minutes for my blind eye to recover, thank god it did. Though, after 10 minutes, it can’t see well(everything was blurry). After that, I made a lot of explanations but unfortunately, I can’t make the right one. I even thought that my spirit really was trapped between two worlds or my right eye just had a clotting since I had a bad sleep position that time. Either way, it was a trip I could never ever forget.

in someone’s boots

in someone’s boots

Post requested by Jufran Ersando. (spelling and grammar unchecked. notepad kasi e, gotta edit some other time.)

I can’t believe I’ve closed the door to sure felicity, consciously left the key and slammed it closed. I slammed it hard. Hard enough to think it was a gunshot, from a gun loaded with a dull bullet, trying to pierce my skin, my ears, my eyes, my whole body.. including my heart. That bang was louder than a thunder clap.

But no matter how much it wounded me, i couldn’t deny it, it was me who closed it anyway. It was me who strayed away from something I knew I would never regret in my life. I lied, but I never cheated. It was my descision, but I didn’t want it.

Now, look at me. Where am I? What am I now? I am trying to fix things. I’m now looking for that single door buried in a place with a million of its kind called life. I have entered a lot. And exited all of ‘em. But I couldn’t understand why the pathways filled with doors seem so endless. But I know myself that the door I once left and rejected was the one that waits for me at the end of this hallway. I could not resist the temptation of opening the doors one by one with the hope of it’s you waiting for me in the other side.

Every single door, every single path I enter builds me up. Little by little I gain capacity for the million times larger rejection and pain I have caused you. Yes,could this be really a bright side? I’m afraid it’s not. It only makes me a mutant. A variation of myself that becomes immune to pain. But blind to the bruises I get from entering and escaping..

I’m losing hope. But I can’t afford to get stuck here. Please give me assurance. Please tell me, say it loud, that you’re there. That there’s still light. So that I could say to myself that all the blood I waste for crying is worth whatever that awaits me. Please or i’ll just bleed out my remaining hope and seriously fucking end this misery.. Please.

in someone’s havaianas

in someone’s havaianas

post requested by Lugz Vinuya (no time to check, in a rush xD)

As someone cornered in between the intense heat of two warring worlds, I have no option but to hide the scratches and trauma the explosions gave me. It really doesn’t matter, does it? I mean, I just lost my social skills what the fuck does that have to do with us? I like you but you think I’m an alien. You know me. I fucking know that. Don’t deny it coz it pains me. I may be different in a strange way, a way way far from the norm of yours.

Do you notice me in the window, when you wake up 6 in the morning? Do you notice me hiding in the trashbin inside your comfortroom when you take a bath at 7? You don’t! You fucking don’t coz you don’t care about me! That’s what you just do in your life, you always try to not notice me even though it’s given already that I’m special!

I liked you. I did stuff to impress you. I even sang your favorite song when I was in your room. But you didn’t appreciate anything, as in nothing? Oh please. Give me some effing break.

Your ignorance is killing me, can’t you see? Your blank stare gives me more reason to add more cuts to my collection. Your presence is a pure toxin I couldn’t resist to take in. You’re supposed to make me feel like living but instead, you make me feel more like, killing myself.

I hate you more than anything in both of our worlds. But I still can’t. I can’t force myself to not love you. And that makes me hate you more.

Pasensya na. Goodbye world.

in someone’s ballet shoes

in someone’s ballet shoes

requested by carluy and fadaniel rahayel (lol carl, wala ako alam masyado sa person na to D: hirap iemofy)

The sky is falling. Does it bring heaven closer to me? Doesn’t make sense, but I love it coz it sounds good to mah ears.

I think, god isn’t a good musician. I don’t get how he makes his rhythm, but hell, I hate how he makes life appear to be musical. The periodical sound of the sun, the morning itself, reality, the night, the sound of everyday and everything is an ear sore. I’m sick of listening to grudges of people, Im sick of hearing their presence and absences, hearing all and nothing. God’s music is always out of tune. Life.. is always out of tune.

“God’s too good to take drugs unlike Bob marley” – that’s what I used to say, obviously, just to give an excuse. Until I reached the point where his ‘music’ got in to my nerves and caused my system to malfunction.. It was easy to solve by the way. I just plugged earphones deep into my ears, let the blood flow out, endured the pain and now I listen to unholy answers from the people like my kind. I listen to their screams and the melody of their crying instruments, hoping to overlap god’s murderous and bloody music.

Sometimes I wonder, if god switches genre from stupid to screamo and creates a screamo version of life, it should sound nicer, I’m sure. Having the notes fly so high and away from their scores, having them always at the extremes, it’s a guaranteed good music. But he’s too ‘perfect’ to think of that.

If only I could tell everybody why I’m like this, why I act as if not sane and abnormally, I would. People treat me in a way as if I have no emotions, no feelings. As a matter of fact. I do. I hurt and I enjoy pleasure too just like anyone else. Though I’m so cocky and aggressive, I’m normal I swear. It’s just, you guys are part of the music that I hate and much as I want to be with you, I just can’t. I’m a good musician. And god, your creator, isn’t.

Under Constriction

Under Constriction

Under constriction, that was where I found myself. Beneath the shattered roof, beside the broken window glass. I was there, strangled but dangling. Yes, I was a prisoner of freedom. I,who lived in the wall shadows, hid from the world itself. It’s not that I chose it, it’s just I couldn’t afford to not obey. It’s bitter and nobody likes it. But it was me, afterall.. Then it’s me whom no one will ever love.

Under constriction, that was where I found myself. Emptied to the very last drop, my eyes did nothing but endure the grip. The loneliness just maintained the wrenching sound of silence. It kept my mind awake to the extent of foreseeing the upcoming suffering and pain. Well, if you’re alone in the dark, that’s all you got to do. When you’re alone suffering, thinking of further agony is all you got to do.

Now, I’m free of the constriction, but the scar it left was so deep that it even seemed so impossible to heal. I may be free from the prickling bruises.

Physical pain is much better than having these mental sorrow. But it’s gone now. I’m now in the open world full of nuisance. And the painful tragic and twisty story entitled life-as usual, brings as much sorrow as it can. Under constriction?

Under constriction,I realized, that’s where I really wanted my self to be.

yo.

My cabin’s located at the top end of the unmoving cruise. It’s dark. My window’s open. There’s nothing to see outside but my eyes can’t stop rolling. The stars were covered with mist created by the ocean waves slapping the side of the boat. It’s cold, really cold. I wanted to close the window but I wouldn’t want to cut the connection between the ocean, the sky, the wind, the darkness and me, or would I?

I couldn’t dare to close my eyes and let my thoughs soar in the fear that they will come back worse.

“But no, everything is already at its worst” I told myself.

I opened the window now in a greater angle. The howling of wind is now louder and the wind itself is stronger. I grabbed a chair and stood up on it. I spread my arms and felt the coldness wrap my body. “I feel like flying” I said to myself. Along with my thoughts, probably. But the wind grew stronger. It pushed me back away from the window. And so, I decided to close it.

The place was cold even when the windows were closed. I got bored so I decided to move my feet and tour my body around. The moment I opened the door to the corridor, a mild, cold but deadly breeze washed my face. Only half the number of lights were open but that didn’t stop me from walking.

I was humming a random tune and sang on my mind. I didn’t know that the song of sadness and silence sound good.

I’m still alone.

It’s been an hour of walking, I found an open door. I entered the room. It’s very similar to the room I grew up. My bed’s the same, the stuffed toys were there too. The curtains that were tied up to the side looked familiar.They just seem new.

“No. It is my room. But how in the hell..”

Before I could even finish the sentence, the cabinet opened and a box fell.

“Hey, I remember that one” I said with a spooked voice.

It was the collection of the paper flowers I made few years back. There were also things that weren’t there before. But I’m sure those letters were from me. Suddenly, the whole box collapsed and blood covered it out of nowhere. It felt like time stopped as I watched everything got tinted by red.

I cried. Like the child I was years back. Like the child I already forgot but suddenly came back. But noone was there to comfort me. Still alone.

I tried to kill myself of misery. I ran back to my room but the corridor seemed endless. It seemed like I was running for years and I fell down on my knees. My head kissed the floor and my eyes blasted in to tears.

“I love her.”

As these words went out of my mouth unconsciously. My life faded.
And I fell into a deep sleep. A sleep where I’m lying awake now. A sleep that acts as anastesia. One that endure the unbearable pain for my heart.

But I’m stuck in a world that was stuck somewhere.

But I’m asleep. And I’m alone.