nice birthday gift..from myself

Thursday. I played soccer. Right after the game, I was walking on studs then I got tripped by a stone. I never gave a shit until I reached home. When I removed my shoes, I saw both left and right parts of my left foot swelling. I ignored it for the second time.I fixed my school stuff then I remembered the bio longtest the following day but I already studied for it so I slept early.

The moment I woke up, my foot hurts like hell. I already knew by that time that I’ll be absent but I tried to do my morning stuff. To my surprise, I can’t freaking stand. I can’t move my foot joints coz it hurts more in doing so.. I told the people here and they told not to go to school. I ate breakfast in bed, drank pain reliever plus my daily medicines (ascorbic acid, food suppplement, etc..) then I slept. I woke up nine due to the pain I was feeling. I searched for a comfortable spot then I studied Bio.. I studied Bio the whole day and my only break was lunch. Then at 3pm, they brought me to my doctor, which happened to be a soccer player too! He checked me up and did all the stuff needed (bondaging, x-ray, etc..)..

He said that I have a sprained foot and the bones are fractured, and he told me to pray that the fracture wont get any worse. He also told me that to rest for two weeks. I said silently: WHAT THE FUCK!.. Intrams will be the week after this. And I couldn’t join. I want to play badly. DamnDamn.. =/ Tomorrow’s gonna be my best birthday ever =/

(But this night’s the best night-before-my-birthday! my former schoolmates greeted me.. and the ‘girl’ I like, she asked me about my leg condition and greeted me too.. =D)

Marwin crispino, the most principled person I know and the best friend I have, gave me special greetings. He said “think of this accident as blessing so you wouldn’t think too much of your school stuff (e.g longtest scores, achievement test scores) then you’ll be happy on your birthday, Happy birthday!” )

dignity(inspired by marwin crispino) and soul

from valed: animal soul is different from human soul..

from me: really?

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Guys..another product of greed and superior-mindedness of our species. soul? wtf. is there such thing? first, we define what the soul is.. or what the soul is according them..

This one is from the studen’t best friend.. Wiki!

The soul, according to many religious and philosophical traditions, is the self-aware essence unique to a particular living being. In these traditions the soul is thought to incorporate the inner essence of each living being, and to be the true basis for sapience, rather than the brain or any other material or natural part of the biological organism. Some religions and philosophies on the other hand believe in the soul having a material component, and some have even tried to establish the weight of the soul. Souls are usually considered to be immortal and to exist prior to incarnation.

Yes. This is exactly what the bioethic person was talking about. (Ooops, the same thing I heard from the val.ed class xD) In grade school, we are taught that we live because of our heart and brain. Well that’s wrong. Uhm, maybe it’s correct but it’s wrong in the sense that it’s incomplete. Creatures live because of the coordination of systems and/or every single cell in each creatures’ body. Now where does the soul come in(according to them)? They believe that the soul makes the whole system work. Sounds familiar? Well it should be. Because in religion, they say God makes the world and life revolve. And this resemblance gave people the idea that once again, God has something to do with the soul xD (my side comment: why is it that whenever people can’t explain things, they suddenly jump into unexplainable and unproven conclusions.. just asking XD)

btw, about dignity. according to people, dignity is the value of self-respect. But how do we really measure our self-respect and are there instances when dignity collapses,leaving no marks of it’s existance on people? for a person who has never experienced problem regarding the way he looks at himself with respect to his peer and all the people’s status around him, dignity may sound

This is not yet finished xD

lmao

socccccccer…

Heart broken

can one be swallowed
by a lovers grasp?
can one fall victim
to a love meant to last?
can i be the one
to be taken in?
will i be the chosen
to live with your sin?
blissfully unaware
strewn before a grave
you picked up my pieces and held me high
and told me i was brave
you made me feel together
when i always fell apart
you made me happy
right from the very start
i let go for a moment
you never left my side
i never wanted to love again
but you made sure i tried
let me ask you something
now, do you believe?
what you & i
can come to achieve
if i just hang on
and you wait a bit longer
we’ll prove everyone wrong
and come out even stronger
all the other people
now they cant see
and they want us to fail
because none of them can be
forget what they say, because none of it’s true
you brought me back, when i was blue
think of only what we can do
you held me up, as i will too
you showed me i can love again
you made me forget my past
because now we’re in something
we both know will last
so, can i ask one last question?
why did you leave me once before
and why should i give you another shot
when you left me heartbroken at your door.

family. damn it

I’m really pissed off. They don’t understand. Today’s a sunday. I’m not going to church. I do not want to. Why do they keep on saying “it’s just an hour to thank God.  so go to mass” What is the fucking purpose of going if I know myself that I don’t believe that there’s a HE that watches everything. That there’s a HE that  gives all these blessings. Damn it. Is it my fault im agnostic? I know that I have all the things that I want. Well, almost all. Why can’t I get them to understand me? I’m old enough to have my own philosophy. And besides… They’re not supposed to come in my life and say what and what I do not have to do. They have their own lives to live. I have my own. Is that hard to understand?

To be true. I don’t live with my dad. Or my mom. I’ve been with my grandparents and aunt and uncle since I was.. uhm.. since I was small. All these years, I lived peacefully. Until I changed. I started to be aware of everything. How my grandma’s sisters influence and control our lives, etcetera. I became aware that I have the capabilty of resistance and thus there’s no point of wasting it. I started then to see holes in  their beliefs. Though it took me a time and great effort to build up my own principle, and even though it’s not yet that concrete, I know that my philosophy is right. 

And regarding religion. There’s no faith. Faith doesn’t exist. People go to church.They pray and beg for mercy. They thank God so they can beg some more things. The pillars of religion stand by the power of fear and greed. I hope they get to understand this. That I have my own beliefs now. And they must never do shits against it. I’m really pissed off.

Yes. They gave me all the things that I have. But that’s not sufficient for them to give me too much pain and confusion. They’re causing me to think of things I’m not supposed to. They’re causing me to move farther making the gap among us bigger. What hurts the most is the more they try to impose things on me, the more they lose track of my feeling thus, making me feel I don’t belong. Guys. My family.

err

this is quite controversial

Marcy Playground

Sherry Fraser

Ooh I saw stars falling all around her head
Red, gold, and blue
Sherry Fraser where are you
‘Cause I saw starts falling all around your head
When we were young
Sherry Fraser where have you gone
We’re all wondering
When will you come back
And play..some day.
Sherry yeah
The mad hatter he waited for Alice
To come to tea again
He waits forever for his old lover
And always wonderin’
Will I see stars falling all around your head
When you return
Sherry Fraser what have you learned
And we’re all wondering
When will you come back
And play..some day
And please do come back
And play..some day
Please do come back
And play..some day
Sherry yeah

this song gives me a feeling of calmness. And I imagine lazy days when I just sit down and watch t.v all day. I know it doesn’t have something to do with the lyrics. Marcy Playground or Marcy’s whatever Playground songs really give me this feeling   I love their tunes.. very much

torpe

I fucking hate myself.. I know how I want to walk with her, sit with her, talk with her. I just can’t. I had all the time and chance in the world but why… When will I get the courage for all of these?

I know I sound gay. Well, I hear that almost all of the time. But it’s really not working out for me. Well the way I see it. I dont want to be a loser again. I’m not sure about my objective. But as I know, I don’t want my ex to hear/see that I’m still a loser. Probably I’d still be for the rest of my life. Let’s hope not. >.<

T________T

ツ valentine post..

a very unsuccessful day. I blame my fever for this.

It took me a while and reasons to post again another entry in this blog. I feel that I need to post this to pull out the *err* in me xD

I don’t know if it’s just me or the truth.At the early part of the day, I had a feeling of confidence brought to me by last night’s conversation, great energy even though I woke up 3am and can’t push my head down back to my bed, and lastly, a feeling of excite because ,duh, it’s valentine’s xD.. All these remained until the delivering of roses I sent her. Then I just realized I might not make it. Just like the other attempts I had in the past.. I lost all the stuff I had earlier. The confidence, the energy and the excitement.

I asked her the night before to talk to me in school at valentine’s. I needed to talk to her to clarify some things. That if I couldn’t, she, her friends and other people who know the wrong thing will think of me as an ass. Or worse. And I failed again. I had the opportutnity but I saw her holding something which I thought was from someone.I backed out then.. xD(later at night I learned it’s not hers).

And now that she knows what’s up with me. I don’t know but I feel quite troubled. Maybe because I fear becoming a loser again. I’m not wishing for her to read this. In fact, I do not want her to read this. I just think she was disappointed.

why am i actually posting this? I don’t know ) i just feel like posting stuff